you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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