I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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