I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
