everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
