Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
