I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
