That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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