There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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