Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize