After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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