worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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