He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
