I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
