Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
