I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
