you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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