I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
