No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
