I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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