Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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