Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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