dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
