i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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