im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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