you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
