I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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