I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
