Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I did not marry a roomba.
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