the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
