So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
