I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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