those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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