So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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