kristin has been a bad kristin
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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