Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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