She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
