i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
