I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
