idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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