Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
