I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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