Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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