All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
