she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
