And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
