So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
