i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
