the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
