from now on my penis is your penis
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I touched a dick in church today
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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