i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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