youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
