Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
