having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
why do cheetos always look like penises
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize