Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
