remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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