Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
