we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize