So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
