Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
