I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
