I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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