He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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