she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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