Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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