i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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