Heybabeimwearingurpanties
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
