I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
