Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
