So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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