but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
