Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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