so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
