Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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