are you still at the devil's house?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
