whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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